Why Positive Thinking is the Worst Thing to Happen to the Self Improvement Industry in Years
Have you ever been in the middle of it, like really in the middle of it, doing your best to get by and had someone tell you “c’mon, you’ve got to think positively”?
If you have you might have felt like I did when I was told that... "Really? Now it’s my fault that this all sucks?”
Now, we know that’s not exactly what they meant. But it’s often the feeling that people have when they’re told to think positively.
I mean, if you were thinking positively it wouldn’t suck so bad. Right?
Kinda.
So, positive thinking is a valuable thing. It can change your perspective and help you see things a different way.
Let’s look at a quick example before we dive any deeper:
Hypothetical Situation:
You didn't get the promotion you were hoping for at work.
Positive Thinking Approach:
Reframing Approach:
✔ Thought Process: "This is fine. I'm just going to stay positive and keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason. Maybe it's not my time yet."
✔ Outcome: You try to maintain a positive outlook despite feeling disappointed, but there’s an underlying sense of frustration and self-doubt that is not fully addressed.
✔ Thought Process: "I didn't get the promotion, which is disappointing. However, this experience has highlighted areas where I can improve my skills and better prepare for future opportunities. What can I learn from this feedback? How can I use this experience to become a stronger candidate next time?"
✔ Outcome: You acknowledge the disappointment but actively seek to understand the reasons behind it. You identify specific areas for growth and take actionable steps to improve, turning the setback into a valuable learning opportunity.
Do you see the difference? One is almost like a band aid, masking or covering up the shitty feelings you have.
The other? That genuinely shifts the feelings, putting you back into a position of power and control, and shaping your experience, which then shapes your actions, and so on.
The Problem with Positive Thinking
Positive thinking has nothing to do with reality. Literally nothing.
It can impact your mindset, it can calm nerves. But when it really comes down to it, it doesn’t change your reality.
A lot of people are under the impression that A) thinking positively is easy and B) if you are having a tough time it can be “fixed” by simply thinking positively.
Let’s look at an example where positive thinking is incredibly helpful. Say you are asked to give a presentation. You’re terrified. You have a fear of speaking in front of people and you don’t want to make a fool of yourself.
At this point you can drift into a bundle of fear, dreading every moment of the speech to come, change nothing, and likely walk away having had a terrible experience.
Or, you can talk yourself through it with positive thinking, telling yourself you will do fine, people will want to hear what you have to say, what a great experience this is.
While that won’t forever change your experience, it will give you the confidence boost you need to walk out on the stage with great posture and your head held high.
Understanding Reframing
Unlike positive thinking, which can really mean just keeping a positive outlook, reframing is about making a deeper, internal shift to see a situation from a completely different perspective.
It’s not just being hopeful, or seeing the bright side. It’s a complete shift in perspective so, once you make the shift, that perspective is natural. It no longer takes work to see things from that view.
As Richard Bandler says "The way you see the world is not necessarily the way it is. Learn to change your perception and change your reality."
There are a number of core principles in NLP that reframing relates to, but the most important one is “The map is not the territory.”
What does that mean, you ask?
It means that every experience, every feeling, every memory, everything we go through passes through our reality, our unique perspective and our unique filters.
You and I can sit in the same room, witness the same conversation, and have completely different experiences of it. What you define as a constructive conversation I may code as an argument.
It’s our history that determines how we “naturally” process information and events.
But we can change that.
Maybe you were raised in a crappy environment. Maybe you were never taught that you had choice. Whatever the situation, you can change that.
Today.
Ready to learn how?
Let’s go…
Practical Steps to Reframe Challenges
Reframing can be a pretty simple process if you just focus on these 3 core steps.
1. Identifying the Challenge: Objectively identify what the true challenge is. Not what you “feel” like the challenge is. Factually, what is the challenge you would like to reframe?
2. Asking High-Value Questions: Ask yourself high value questions to get you thinking in a more constructive way.
☉ “What can I learn from this?”
☉ “How can this make me stronger?”
☉ “What opportunities does this present?”
3. Implementing the New Perspective: This is the time to consider the answers to the questions you just asked yourself. Determine how you can answer these questions, and then assign actions to the answers.
Let’s look at a couple of examples.
Example 1: Personal
Challenge: You feel overwhelmed by managing your online business while also taking care of your family’s needs, and it feels like you're failing at both.
Identifying the Challenge: The real challenge is balancing the demands of running a business and being present for your family, not the emotional feeling of "failing." The factual issue is time management and prioritization.
Asking High-Value Questions:
◉ "What can I learn from this?" – This situation shows that your current time management system isn't sustainable, and something needs to shift.
◉ "How can this make me stronger?" – This experience can help you become better at setting boundaries and creating a more structured routine.
◉ "What opportunities does this present?" – This is an opportunity to model self-care and balance for your family while creating a more efficient business system.
Implementing the New Perspective:
◉ Answer: You can start by evaluating how much time is spent on non-essential tasks in your business and family life.
◉ Action: Delegate more tasks at work, such as outsourcing certain responsibilities, and set specific family time blocks to ensure a more balanced schedule.
Example 2: Professional (Business)
Challenge: A key client decides to leave, impacting your revenue and causing stress about the future of your business.
Identifying the Challenge: The challenge isn't just the loss of revenue but how to manage client relationships and prevent over-reliance on one client for income.
Asking High-Value Questions:
◉ "What can I learn from this?" – This is a reminder to diversify your client base and create more reliable income streams.
◉ "How can this make me stronger?" – It can push you to develop new skills in client acquisition and retention strategies.
◉ "What opportunities does this present?" – This opens the door to attract clients who may be a better long-term fit, allowing for healthier business growth.
Implementing the New Perspective:
◉Answer: Focus on building a more diversified client base to mitigate future revenue loss.
◉Action: Create a marketing campaign to attract new clients, and develop a long-term strategy to ensure client loyalty and stability.
These examples show how reframing can shift your thinking from stress to proactive problem-solving in both personal and professional life.
By practicing this skill of reframing you will build resilience, improve your experience and create more powerful memories for you and those around you.
Being able to reframe situations, whether they are inside or outside your control, can dramatically improve your odds at overcoming them. It can give you the willpower you need to change ingrained behavior, the perspective to help others through tough times, and the internal fortitude to continue pushing, even when things feel almost impossible.
This week I encourage you to play around with reframing. When you run into situations, and they don’t have to be tough, just try shifting your perspective. Try following this short 3 step process to reframe the situation and see how your experience changes.
Stop masking challenges with empty positivity—learn to reframe them into opportunities for growth.
The Core Impact Leadership Program equips you with the mindset tools and leadership strategies to transform setbacks into strength, rewire how you see challenges, and lead with resilience. If you’re ready to shift from surface-level thinking to lasting change, discover the program today.
Hey, I'm Tracy
CEO Of Tracy Hoobyar
Tracy Hoobyar is a coach, strategist, and systems expert who helps high achievers create success without burnout. With a background in leadership, business growth, and personal development, she simplifies complex challenges into clear, actionable steps. Whether it’s building smarter systems, making better decisions, or creating real momentum in life and work, Tracy is here to help.
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